Long-Term Mental Illness

“Yeah, I could dream more then / I could believe more then / That the world could only get better…”

– Once When I Was Little, James Morrison


A few things happen when you’ve had a diagnosed mental illness for a while. These things happen very naturally and no one is at fault for them. Sometimes they come from you, and sometimes they come from others. I’ve noticed these changes happening since I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety at the age of 14…until now, 8 years later at nearly 22 years of age. I’m going to talk about two of these things.

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Stars and Constellations

“So now, to the one/With the never ending/And invisible scars/Look up, look up/The stars!” – The Stars, Patrick Wolf

There are a lot of scary things in life. For me, anyway. Somedays I find answering messages scary, other days it’s leaving the house. Somedays I jump at the sound of doors opening and closing, other days I can stay perfectly still while watching a horror movie. I find it hard to distinguish the good days from the bad days most of the time. On paper, my day could seem amazing while the voice in my head tells me something completely different – I guess that’s depression for you.

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Helping Others While Helping Yourself

“I’m left with no shoulder/But everybody wants to lean on me/I guess I’m their soldier/But who’s gonna be mine?” – Save The Hero, Beyoncé Knowles

If you’re like me then you might like being alone. I enjoy it, to a certain extent. But, in excess, it can feel terrifying. I’m the kind of person that will shut myself away for days at a time and then wonder why the hell my mood has dropped so badly. Or I’ll ignore people’s messages and phone calls because I’m not able to answer them, and then worry that people are pushing me away. But I do have a core group of people I will always answer to; these people are like me. They suffer from a variety of different mental health problems. But how can I help them when I can barely manage myself?

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My Head

“It’s just a spark, but it’s enough to keep me going…” – Last Hope, Paramore

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone who has been reading my posts. I started this blog as a way to vent any random thought in my head but the fact that people have come back to me and said that something I’ve written has helped them in some way is just mind-blowing for me. I’ve always said that if I help even one person feel good about themselves, then I’ve done my duty as a human for the day. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Now, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to tell you about my own head. I’m not talking about the long ginger hair, or the blue eyes, or my nose-ring. I’m talking about what’s on the inside. My thoughts. Well, my thoughts and how I escape from them if I need to.

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Doctors and Depression

“‘Til it happens to you, you won’t know how it feels…” – ‘Til It Happens To You, Lady Gaga

Today I received an email from one of those petition websites (I’m sure we’ve all signed one of those at some point). I normally junk them unless the title captures my attention: like today’s did. The subject of this email read “Mental Health in the NHS”. I read the email through and at the end it invited me to complete a survey about how I felt the government in England were handling the topic of mental health.

This got me thinking.

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